


Name

by JoAsakura



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-01
Updated: 2012-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-08 22:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/448180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoAsakura/pseuds/JoAsakura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thane remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Name

**Author's Note:**

> The story behind this is that after I downloaded the EC DLC, my playthru picked up a bug where in (my male) Shep’s nightmares, he hears thane saying “you are a great protector, Siha, but you can’t save them all.”
> 
> So, then, there’s this.
> 
> Ties into "Traitor", amongst other fics.

Standing in a dead woman’s office on Illium, sunset. His eyes, the exact shade of a horizon where sea and sky meet. My initial impression of him as a thug with a big gun shifts as he pleads his case to me. His sincerity, his conviction, is like a living thing. It’s refreshing, like sweet water when all there has been is brine.

It is a good way to end my days, and I agree to help him. The smile on his lips as he shakes my hand is small, fleeting, but genuine.

He says my name as we seal our deal.

~~

Standing in a hospital foyer, the air stinks of antiseptic. His eyes are still that same horizon shade, but the weight of a hundred years has grown in them since I saw him last. The smile on his lips is small and true, and I remember how they tasted. Of alcohol and the terrible coffee aboard the Normandy. Of human musk. Of hope.

He says my name as if he cannot believe I am in front of him.

~~

Sitting in the pleasant, arid confines of the Normandy’s life support room. I am telling Shepard about Irikah, and he listens. It has been so long since anyone simply sat and listened to me, I realise, that I find myself entranced by him.

I have fought beside him many times, and have seen him many ways by now. Violent and kind. Wrathful and merciful. The first true friend I have had in a decade, and his hand covers mine and his smile is small and fleeting.

“I’m here for you, Thane. Whatever you need.” His fingers twitch like his smile, and he says my name like no one else does. It warms my soul and I think, perhaps, he is truly Arashu’s child.

Then my body calls him siha, but the implication of that makes my heart question itself.

I decline to tell him what it means.

~~

Sitting in the hospital foyer, he clasps my hand. I can feel his pulse in his fingertips, and I listen to Shepard talk about the friend who was badly injured protecting him, and I make a connection to another memory.

~~

After Horizon, Normandy quiet, most of the crew sleeping except for skeleton teams in engineering and bridge. Shepard pouring coffee in the mess. He stinks of Zaeed’s sweat, alcohol, and desperation. His pale blue eyes are red with unshed tears.

I think it has been a long time since anyone simply sat and listened to him, so I do.

He tells me about a man he loves, but will not tell me his name. There is only pain between them, now.

~~

I meet a biotic human in intensive care. His sincerity, his conviction, are palpable things and he reminds me of the commander. I watch him type, slowly on a datapad, a message for someone he hopes will come visit him, he says, but his body language is one of conflict.

I think his instincts are at war with what he has been taught, so I offer to listen to his thoughts.

He tells me about a man he doesn’t want to admit he loves but refuses to tell me his name.

With surprise, I recognise Shepard in his words.

~~

After a mission, sitting alone in the life support room, I am beset by conflict. There will never be another Irikah, but Shepard has made a place for himself in my heart that is uniquely his. He has not asked anything of me, and given of himself freely. I pray for forgiveness, for guidance.

And he knocks at the door, asks if I would care to join him as we dock at the Citadel for supplies. He says my name, and I realise it is a sign.

~~

In the bright light of the Hospital foyer, Shepard is asking me to join him on the Normandy again. He needs me, and I am shamed by how much that pleases me.

But I refuse him.

I offer to watch over Kaidan in his place, and his relief, his trust in me, overwhelms me. In the next moment, my lips are on his - a kiss, small and fleeting like his smiles - and his hand fists in my coat, unwilling to let go.

He tastes like coffee and hope.

~~

The first time we kiss tastes like batarian ale and the strange mammalian musk of a human. It is far from unpleasant.

Shepard has just finished telling me how beautiful I am - and how safe he feels, knowing I have his back - in the pulsing lights of the club and I am as drunk as he is. I kiss him, whispering “Siha” against his lips.

There is awkwardness but no recriminations later. I know how to kill a human male, but I have never considered before now sleeping with one, and in a cheap hotel room in Zakera Ward, I admit to this. We are both sober now.

Shepard offers to show me the ropes if I wish, with no hard feelings if I do not. I accept and he proves to have a surprisingly good grasp of drell anatomy, and the feel of his lips on my flesh is unlike Irikah’s but startlingly good.

I discover that the skin is intensely sensitive around the jack for his biotic amp, and I am amused to find that the best place to incapacitate a human biotic is also one of the best to drive him mad with need.

He asks me what siha means, and I decline as he brings me to orgasm for the first, but not the last, time that night.

~~

“You love him, don’t you, Siha?” I ask, stroking Shepard’s hair as we stand on a balcony, overlooking presidium’s lakes.

I hate myself for the shame on his face. Clearly, the pain between them is not healed by any means, and his heart is in conflict. “Thane..” He says, and I place my fingers on his lips to silence him. I love the sound of my name in his voice.

“You could never replace Irikah in my heart, Shepard.” I say to him, his stubble like wire beneath my thumb. “But you made a place of your own there, one that is equally precious. If *I* could have room for you both, I know you would for both me and the Major. After all, your heart is so much bigger than mine.”

This makes him smile, small and fleeting and true, and I am glad. If I am to end my days, I want to know that someone will watch over him as I did.

~~

We are heading to the Omega-4 relay and my heart is in conflict, and I hate myself for it. I have prayed and prepared and all I feel is fear. Fear and the shame of it.

Shepard places his fingers on my lips to silence me and asks me to be alive with him this one more night. I can see the fear in his eyes as well, but he is not ashamed of it. When he says my name, a peace settles over me. He kisses my tears and I lead him to the bed.

This time, I tell him what siha means as I bring him to orgasm for the first, but not the last, time that night.

~~

I am dying, my failing blood hot against skin growing cold, but I do not feel fear.

I hear Shepard shouting my name, and I love the sound of it, even now. I tell him I will live a bit longer and he calls for aid. In a small way, I pity the assassin. Not only so incompetent as to allow a terminally-ill drell to keep him from his target, but so unlucky that he has brought down the wrathful visage of my siha, my warrior-angel, protector of the weak and innocent.

There will be no mercy for that man and no kindness, only violence. I begin praying to Kalahira to watch over Shepard’s soul, and to Arashu that she reunites him with the protector of his body and his heart.

My mouth tastes of coffee and blood.

~~

When the coup starts, I am having a cup of coffee with Kaidan Alenko, it is bitter and brown and strong. We have become, if not friends, perhaps good acquaintances these past weeks, and it pains me that Shepard was unable to attend Alenko’s induction into the SPECTREs.

I have told him that I served on the Normandy with Shepard, but not of our relationship, and I see the Major is still conflicted. I tell him to trust his instincts.

I can see that he wants to.

~~

I hear him enter the room, he says my name, and a peace falls over me. It gives me strength enough for a small jest, and I see him try to smile, but it falters.

Kolyat helps me pray, and Shepard helps him. And as the mistress of the depths comes to take me, I hear him say my name one last time.

And I love the sound of it.


End file.
